Dear John Oh How I Hate To Write
Simon

Defence Welfare Knob Award

Everyone who has been deployed knows how uplifting it is to receive a letter or parcel from home. On my first deployment, the internet didn’t exist so letters were a big-ticket item – facilitated by the “Forces Concession” postal arrangement which meant it cost no more to send a letter to a soldier in Sinai as it did in Waiouru. My second mission was to East Timor. We had internet and cell phone connection – sometimes – and it was private as long as you accepted that the Aussie spooks were reading and listening to everything (yeah, we knew, you drongos!).

We have personnel deployed all around the world in ones and threes. Families are brought in to the pre-deployment brief and told all sorts of things about how they can best support their loved ones on operations. There’s even a deployed personnel website which is a great collection of links but doesn’t have any info about mailing stuff to your whanau.

Here’s the drop. A source has told me that some knob in the NZDF system has been emailing directly or indirectly to deployed personnel chastising them for the amount of mail they are receiving and telling them that they can only receive one package a week and it can’t be over 1kg. They have been telling people that they will be ‘throttling’ deliveries at that rate. Watch out Santa!

Somehow, apparently, it is the service-person’s responsibility to ensure that not too many people love them or want to support them in theatre. They must not deploy across a birthday, Christmas or other significant event without warning whanau and friends in advance to coordinate pressie sending.

Please share this widely to ensure it ends up in the inbox of the “A-Grade Knob” that thought that it was OK to sit in a comfortable office in New Zealand and dictate what mail should be received by deployed New Zealand personnel. There are job opportunities for this type of person in other countries. They should take them.

Blatant Advertising Bit: Have you read my short story trilogy “A Poke in the Fifth Eye”? It’s available in Kindle format for only 99c. A ripping good yarn about dirty bomb drone swarms in Wellington New Zealand, a couple of destroyed spy bases, an air force base on fire and only a hastily assembled bunch of Kiwi Reservists standing between the terrorists and their ultimate goal.

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Published by Simon

I tell stories in order to challenge people to challenge the status quo. Much of my work is investigative journalism in both print and podcast media. Other pieces are more academic in nature. The pure pleasure comes from creating fiction. As part of my day-to-day work, I also design and deliver outcome simulations (business war games) for corporate clients and provide 'Red Team' services for organisations that want to stress-test their plans. I teach a range of experiential learning programmes. I research and publish on national security issues with a New Zealand focus. I am the co-founder of a private think tank on cyber warfare research. My passion is writing fiction (under the pen name of Simon Roberts) that helps people engage in an interesting way with complex concepts about future war, intelligence and security. I love boating and fishing in between and the Marlborough Sounds in New Zealand's South Island is my favourite haunt. I play several musical instruments averagely, grow chillies and have run the odd scotch whisky school.